We have different versions of ourselves.

There’s the version you see yourself as. There’s the version others see you as and the version you put on for them to see.

Then there’s the most authentic version. The real you.

How often do you bring that version to the world?

For me, not often.

I was depressed when I was trying to be the Wizard of Oz instead of the sweaty guy behind the curtain.”
– Jim Carrey, Everyone thought I went insane

The last time I was genuinely me was likely in public school. When I was weird and playful.

When I didn’t give a fuck.

Now, I’m always playing a role. The professional Ad Man, the blue-collar copywriter, the blogger, and the wannabe freelancer.

The dreamer who wishes he was more.

I’m all these things. I’m none of these things. I’m lost, most of all.

Play the right part

Funny fellow Jim Carrey was criticized when he stopped playing the part of Jim Carrey—the version he put on for others to see.

Jim said in an interview, “Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world.” And that “depression only happens when you don’t accept what is, when you’re playing a character in life.”

But if you stop trying to pretend, when you let go and step out from behind the curtain, you see life in a different way.

You see yourself in a different way.

This raises the question: what role do I want to play? What role was I meant to play?

Who am I?

I’m still figuring that out. I’m still looking for the courage to give up the character, the powerful Wizard of Oz.

“When you compromise and you fail, it hurts. It hurts even more than failing at what you love.”
– Jim Carrey

Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And the Stoics claimed that thought is responsible for most, if not all, of our suffering. Psychotherapists say the same.

I’m caught between the two, thinking I should be more than what I am. That I should be further along at this point of my life. That I should be ahead of all the online gurus and teenage business builders.

What I really should be is happy with who and where I am right now. Like I was when I was that silly, carefree kid.

You: the kick-ass character

Sure, I have more responsibilities now. I have a relationship to nurture, bills to pay, and an ailing father to care for.

Plus, a long list of other things. (Adult life, amirite?)

But I’m actually managing those things pretty well. And life is only as good or bad as you believe it to be.

More to the point, it’s okay to be the sweaty guy behind the curtain. And once you accept who you are and step beyond the veil, you realize that dude kicks ass.

Because I am kick-ass.

I’ve accomplished a lot of cool shit and endured a lot of not-so-cool shit. I’ve stood up for what I believe in and reconciled when I failed to do so.

I’ve grown into a man my mom would be proud of.

Could I be doing and achieving more? Of course. But that’s not to say I won’t—I’m not dead yet (memento vivere).

I may have reached an all-time low, fallen off the metaphorical surfboard. But I’m no paddlepuss.

I’m brave enough to get back up and ride the wave to where it takes me.

“Depression is your body going ‘fuck you, I don’t want to be this character anymore!’”
– Jim Carrey

I refuse to give up on my dreams. I refuse to let the negative voice lead the narrative.

More importantly, I refuse to play a role that no longer serves me.

Because being who I am, at my core, is the person who is most fulfilled. And that person is me, Cory B. Davis, right now.

I may not be all those things I thought I’d be. I may just be some sweaty dude instead of Oz.

But that’s so much more than I give myself credit for.

The same goes for you.